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Saturday, October 8, 2005

3:07PM

k, holy fuck wow.


So I recently got wasted with Allan, Adrian and Dan, and wow,..alocohol can make you look like the biggest dumbass ever. :] I can't exactly remember the night, but Adrian and Allan say I wasn't very co operative, and now because of that, I have bruises and cuts all over my body, but oh well. I did'nt get home till 330am, and I lost my earrings, and I think my bracelet too. WHICH TOTALLY SUCKED, CAUSE THEY WERE MY PRIZEDDDDD affairs.....gah. k. whatever. S I'm basically "grounded" for two weeks, but pffft..I'd do it all over again. hopefully soon too. :]


New subject : Tom. uhm...I don't even know if I wanna elaborate? He's a nice guy and everything, with good intentions, but holy fuck? he annoys me alot sometimes. Not his fault obviously. Who does'nt annoy me these days? Don't take it personally... but iunno. I know I should'nt have asked him out when I cleary lack the feelings part, and I guess when you know the fact that i want Ian.? Iunno. I have high standards that very little people actually meet. I'm SO SORRY if it makes me sound superficial.? I'M NOT SUPERFICIAL BECAUSE I WONT DATE YOU BECAUSE YOU DONT MEET MY INTERESTS.fuck you if you think that. I mean, for all I know Ian could be an asshole, and the moment Ifind out if he is. The end. I learned the hard way on how guys can be dicks, and I refuse to go through it again. And try not to give me some shit on how " nice guys always finish last" or "why do you girls always go for the guy who'll treat em like shit instead of the nice guy who'll give em the world". People are assholes when personalites create conflict. Who's just mean for the sake of being mean?
I'm sorry if Tom hates me, or thinks I'm ass or whatever blahblahblah. I can't just like you caus you like me? I like Ian. and struggling to get over fuckhead.[which yay..is going very well, yep.]
But, I'm done for now. If something catches my interest later. I'll probably not write about it until later when mummie isnt home, as im not allowed on my internet :]


alllllllayna.

Current mood: apathetic

Current music: I caught fire [playing in my head]

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Monday, September 26, 2005

6:33PM

eeeeyeah...So I'm laying in bed, and my tune for my text messages goes off. I figure it'd be elisia..nope. Farrell.He say's sorry.? and why? i dont know? maybe because he hasnt called me in three days? or because he allows his friends to call me a cunt? i dontknow. HE didnt reply when i asked him why.meh. oh well. I care less anymore. I'm not calling him. He usually hangs up on me 40 seconds into the convo, so whatever. If i wanna waste forty seconds, I'll do it more constructively, like run around naked. haha.


Man...I"m really thirsty. We have no water..... and our milk tastes funny?


I HAVE IANS ATTENTION. GOODDDDDAAAAAAMMMMMMMNNNNN I DO.ehehehee. Maybe I'll try looking at him this time?

Current mood: thirsty

Current music: Mix Tape- Brand new

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Sunday, September 25, 2005

4:18PM

Last person that....

1. Slept in your bed: Kristen..or VAnessa.idno.

2. Saw you cry: I think Sheldon? sorta?

3. Made you cry: Stu kelly.

4. You went to the movies with: Tom kris and elisia. Just like heaven- drive in.

5. You went to the mall with: oh!...uhm...i think tom kris and elisia.hehe.

6. One thing you could take back: ..lotta things. no comment.

Have You Ever...

1. Said "I Love You" and meant it: nope.

2. Got in in a fight with your pet: I almost kicked doobie..?

3. Been to California: nope.

4. Been to Mexico: no

5. Been to China: no

6. Been to Canada: Nah ! other than the fact that I LIVE IN IT

7. Been to Europe: nope.

8. Danced naked: no...? only if someone was t watch me

9. Wish you were the opposite sex: sometimes. cause id have a dick to play with.

Random...

1. Do you have a crush on someone: I like Erik.And Abe?..lame huh

2. What book are you reading: Genesis of justic..for the last two years...pffft ahhaa

3. Worst feeling in the world: when im put down because im younger than you? liking a boy? -raises eyebrow-

4. Future KIDS names: ...whatever the papers at the agency say.

5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: my cat? is stuffed with organs?

6. What's under your bed: posters...condoms..whips. porn mags. handcuff...all the usual stuff.

7. Favorite sport to watch: Fencing?

8. Location: niagara falls

9. Piercings/Tattoos: Ears. seven times.

10. Do you drink: Silent Sam.?

11. What are you most scared of: Death? Having a large spike strike me thru the back?

12. Where do you want to get married: I thought about that today too!...oh my god...it knows me too well.

13. Who do you really hate: ..STU KELLY. my brother. And i resent Mrs Shaw?

14. Do you have a job: Meh. Yea.

15. Do you like being around people: not really.

16. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: YEA..ABE!!!. =D

17. Have you ever cried: ...who hasnt?

18. Are you lonely right now: meh. could care less anymore.

19. Song that's stuck in your head a lot: anything by brand new.. or Boys on the dock from DkM

20. Been in love: ..STOP ASKING ME..HOLY. [for the record, i did this thing from the botom up ]

21. Played strip poker: no?

22. Gotten beaten up: ...punched in the face before?...ouch.

23. Pulled an all nighter: yeah all the time..

24. Been on radio/tv: IVE BEEN ON TV....WOOOOOO! >.<... i was a walker-by.haha

25. Been in a mosh-pit: nope. and never will..cause i said so.

26. Do you have any gay/lesbian friends: i sure do.

27 Skinny dipped: no


In the last 24 Hours have you...

1. Cried: yes

2. Bought something: nope

3. Gotten sick: no.. althought from running around in the rain and jumpinh in puddles..you'd think.

4. Sang: today. to Brand new..hahaha

5. Been kissed: ...not in awhile. and not anyone i cared about =(

6. Felt stupid: Story of my life.

7. Talked to an ex: yes..alot and he hates me? oh well. I"m a cunt.

8. Missed someone: eeeyuh :[

Your gender: female
Straight/gay/bi?: I'm straight..with a few bends
Your birth day: April 9th.
Age you wish you were: Probably 90.
Your height: now I dont know that?
Your heritage: Ukrainian?
The color of your eyes: greenish blue...encoated by black...baby
The color of your hair: brownish...with red lighting...eeeeyuh
Piercings?: ears seven times :]
Tattoos?: still debating that one.

DO YOU...

(15) Read the newspaper?: on occasion
(16) Pray?: no
(17) Talk to strangers who IM you?: only way to go.
(18) Take walks in the rain?: usually when i walk
(19) Drive?: no,.. and never.
(20) Like to drive fast?: NO AND ESPECIALYL NOT WITH ELISIA.
(21) Hurt yourself? yea on several occasions.
(22) Been out of the country?: nope
(23) Been in love?: no
(26) Had a surgery?: I got my tounsils out? does that count?
(27) Ran away from home?: fer sure. I was about 3 or 4. I ran away to my doghouse in the back yard, but came because i had no light. :[
(31) Been on stage?: yes
(32) Slept outdoors?: yes
(33) Thought about suicide?: yea? alot of times?
(35) If yes, what is your record?: wtf does this mean?
(36) Talked on the phone all night? nope. NO ONE CALLS ME.
(37) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?: yea.. When i slept at Erik's friend house Neil..cept we did it three times? does that count tho?
(38) Slept all day? yea. every Friday, Saturday and Sunday last summer.
(39) Killed someone?: uh...i cant tell you that?! sheesh.
(40) Made out with a stranger? .........
(41) Had sex with a stranger?: .........
(42) Kissed the same sex? yep
(43) Done anything sexual with the same sex?: I've kissed Elisia...?
(44) Been betrayed?: depends how you llook at it.
(45) Broken the law?: Uhm...no. But ive been in a cop car on several occasions?
(46) Met a famous person?: Uhm...nah. I'm famous.... boo yah!
(48) Been in a mosh-pit?: No That just retarded.
(50) Been criticized about your sexual performance? I think so.? =(
(51) Had a dream that kept coming back?: YES. I dream about oral sex. :]
(52) Shoe brand?: Adios?
(54) Wear hats?: Nah. Farrel wont lemme touch his hats either. Screw you.
(55) Judged other people by their clothing?: only on guys.
(56) Wear make-up?: alot yes.
(57) Favorite place to shop?: suzy shier..
(58) Favorite article of clothing?: shirts?

BELIEFS

(60) Believe in life on other planets?: only if they believe in me.! Go me! wooo!
(61) Miracles?: nah
(62) Astrology?: yes
(63) Magic?: yes
(64) God?: I love God. so stfu
(65) Satan?: uh...?
(66) Santa?: no
(67) Ghosts?: i guess?
(68) Luck?: sure
(69) Love at first sight?: NO NO NO NO NO NO AND GOD EFFEN NO.
(70) Yin and Yang?: ?
(71) Witches?: yea... I don't wanna be turned into a toad......yet
(72) Easter bunny?: fer sure. I saw donny darko.
(73) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: ..physically faithful, sure
(74) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? ...if i could swim..I'd go find out.
(75) Do you wish on stars?: No, on those white fluffy things.?
(76) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: uuuh..no?
(77) Do you remember your first love?: I'm not commenting on love,k.
(78) Still love him/her?: ..idno
(79) Do you consider love a mistake?: YES.. holy fuck.
(80) What do you find romantic?: Rolling around in the mud, in the pouring rain...?
(81) Turn-on?: Hands...caus you know.... -blushes-
(82) Turn-off?: oh god..
(83) Do you base your judgment on looks alone?: No. Pants and shoes. duh.
(84) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out?:It;'s not? I've asked out so many boys!... and ive gotten rejected.. YES!. now thats talent lovelys.
(85) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?: Erik's not physically unattractive. so no.
(86) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: NO I AM AN UGLY PIECE OF SHIT [according to Stu kelly..thanks]
(87) What is best about the opposite sex?: Hands goddamnit. >.<
(88) What's the last present someone gave you?: A pair of earrings from Tom <33
(89) Are you in love?: Nope.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...

(90) That you laughed at?: forgot his name................ SHIT.
(91) That laughed at you?: .Heather?
(92) That turned you on?: HAH... my reflection.
(93) You went shopping with?: .... Shawn i think? like two months ago?
(94) To disappoint you?: pfffft... do i even wanna comment?
(96) To make you cry?: Stu Kelly...?
(97) To brighten up your day?: ABE!
(98) That you thought about?: ABE! Erik? My ear? My bed?
(99) You saw a movie with?: Elisia, Kris and Tom. In their car.At the drive in?
(100) You talked to on the phone?: NO ONE.
(101) You talked to through IM?: Courtney, adn tried to allan..
(102) You saw?: Two black men and Heather.


WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU

(104) Smiled?: uhm...around 1230, yes.
(106) Cried?: last night. Alittle this morning, and all week.
(107) Bought something? No. Tom bought me earrings yesterday, THey're so sick!...Im wearing..jealous?
(108) Danced?: YESTERDAY! TO ABBA!....EEEEEE.
(109) Were sarcastic?: ahahaha...me sarcastic? why i never.
(112) Watched your fav movie?: I have'nt watched Titanic in forever
(113) Talked on the phone?: nope. You think any calls me?
(114) Listened to the radio?: wednesday? lol
(115) Watched TV?: a bit ago,yes. I watched Lizzie McGuire and that other rad tv show.
(116) Went out? today i went to work?
(117) Helped someone? uhm... I don't think I've helped anyone lately? I'm so going to hell.
(119) Said "I love you" and meant it?:I once said it to my cat, and i kissed her forehead gently, and we slept.
(120) Got drunk?: NO!....pfft.

ARE YOU CURRENTLY GROUNDED? nope? but i get yelled at everyday.

DO YOU SNORE? ....cause i can hear myself sleep? =D [its more a talent]

ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER? pffft..apparently neither?

AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC? nah.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY" TV? It's as fake as my $1000 ass.

DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS? Yep. till they get really small and look like gum?

WERE YOU A CUTE BABY? damn straight i was.

IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU? Depends....oh god no..I'm married to god. i love you baby!

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD? whitish?

IS BARBIE SEXY? Idno. Hips are kinda wide. Ass is kinda plastic?

DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? obviously? That's how i got my record deal.

HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED? not yet.

ANY SPECIAL TALENTS? I can bend into every letter of the Russian alphabet... no really.

WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT? wow. I thought about that today...creepy.

IS JAY LENO FUNNY? I guess if yer attracted to fat, white grey haired men.
CAN YOU SWIM? ...kinda sorta not really. DONT LAUGH.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVE "DONNIE DARKO"? eeeeyuh!, several times lovely.

ARE YOU A VIRGIN? yea, course! ahaha...no.

DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE? YES!..I'm just green peace..losers.

HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOSTIE POP? 2, 376 licks.
CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS? I could try, but it'd screw up like the way i say it in order

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE? sure havent

ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD? nope,

Current mood: good

Current music: im being watched by the CIA- Anti flag.

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3:56PM

Yea, okay..so my parents are fucking retarded? the end. I'm apparently fooling around, which has cause me too be extremely moody and touchy. But hey, let's completely ignore the really stupid question they ask me each and every day, at least twice. Or just plainly irritating they just are. Firstly, no one is fooling around with me, and for several reasons. I AM NOT OVER ERIK. Therefor, [with the exclusion of Allan] I have not made out, sexed, or touched anyone, and vice versa. Yes, I hang around boys. Yes, I hang around alot of boys. THAT DOES NOT MEAN I AM DOING ANTYHING WITH THEM. Maybe, instead of my mother nicely reading my diary/journal, she could just let me alone. I write in that book in order to keep my thoughts in order, and allow myself to express what I cannot in speech. My mother reading that is very much underappreciated. My grandmother, for that matter, is a senial old annoyance. I DO NOT CARE to whomever finds that offensive. If you lived with her, you'd kill yourself within a week. And it's not like I'm the only person who actually realizes this. Adam notices it. Elisia comments on it. And my cousin, Vanessa, who's nicely been around for the majority of my life with my family, feels exactly the way I do, and she doesn't even live with me. Secondly, what I do with Erik, yes,sometimes is retarded, and have every possibility of getting me into trouble and yes, I disregard it continuesly. Yes, I have had sex with him, which I WILL NOT COMMENT ON.[so fuck off.]but that's not any reason to be "disappointed" in me, or tell me I shouldn't be having sex at fifteen. I am fully aware of my actions, what I do, and how to prevent the what not. I do not walk into things where I am unaware of the expectants, issues and or problems that may arise. I am not stupid, and therefor should not be treated as an individual who is incapable of making decisions based on feelings. Thirdly, DO NOT confront me about something you know about, in an indirect way, such as the way my mother does about sex with Farrell. IF YOU KNOW, COME OUT AND SAY IT. Denial become ridiculous at that point.


On another note, Tom has brang up the issue that he has feelings for me. I have taken them to heart. He's cute, don't get me wrong... but as I have mentioned before, I am not over Erik. Sometimes I wish I was, but whatever, let's ignore that. Tom lives in Port Colborne, which arises as HUGE issue. One) I'd feel bad for asking him to hang out, because of gas prices and... general distance. And secondly, Kris tends to drive here alot, which is more money on Kris gas gage... and more money outta Tom's wallet. And why? Because he's dating a retard in Niagara Falls.


And offically, I H A T E school. And why? All thanks to Stu Kelly, and the boy who used to hug me. To the boy who used to hug me: he gave me a sense of feeling that maybe someone liked me, and actually took some form of interest in me? How wrong could I have been. Funny how guys will listen to their friends even if it means clash with their own actual thought out feelings. Friends are supposed to be a big part in your life, yea I get that, but when it means you have to take everything that is "you"... it's lame and fuck anyone who has that belief. After Stu Kelly called me [and I quote] "an ugly piece of shit", this boy no longer acknowledges that I am a person. Inside, it kinda hurts alot. School used to be everything to me because one) got me out of my house, and two)...Abe.[haha] but now, I hate waking up each morning, looking at my mirror, make-up'ing and dressing. All thanks to Stu Kelly. Thanks Asshole.
Thanks to Elisia, I just maybe have Ian's attention. [two thumbs up] Yea, he notices me now and everything, or so I'm told. I don't look at him, and everytime I try, I can't. And why?! BECAUSE HE'S LOOKING AT ME! Which is retarded, if he's looking at me,I should at least look at him back? Gosh, saying all this makes me feel like a little school girl -giggles- uhm...oooh yea. and school. I hate math teachers and guidance counslers. :]



uhm....yea, that's all i got for this moment. yea. :]

Ally.

Current mood: aggravated

Current music: Losing Patience- Comeback Kid

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Saturday, September 3, 2005

12:07AM

so i havent typed in a bit. I guess notihn' has really happened cep't...


Eric and I? yea..we ain't cool no more. He basically called me ugly, that I couldn't get a date, [which,heh, is true] and he called me a bitch. It's not my fault yer too stupid to realize yer own stupidity? I guess I don't care anymore whether you give two shits or not, or what insult you plan to hurl at me. Yer an insignificant part of my life, and there's nothing more to say. Britt and I are good now. We don't hang out anymore, not to say we ever did that much.

I don't hang out with any of my "friends" anymore. Maybe it's cause they got jobs? Or the whole "boyfriend" trend. I'd love to say I'm jealous. Maybe I am? Or maybe I'm just tired of everyone being happy, when all I asked for was nothing. Clearly, something IS wrong with me, and when I figure it out, I'm more than happy to change it.School's coming up, and I'm back to hoping for Ian's wonderful attention...but lets see how far i get with that one. THat boy won't even look at me, when all his friends are staring at me from a fucking distance. I still say its me.

So. back to my usual *.problem.* Erik.
I was sitting on a bus stop the other night, when a girl came walking close and was talking to some boy "erik". I glanced at her, and by assumption, I figured she' was talking bout Farrell. My mom came over a bit later and she started talking to the girl, who's name Is Amanda. She said she was walking the way I live, so I decided to walk with her. We started talking, and by time we got ot Stanley..I asked her if she knew Erik Farrell, and she was like "yea..thats weird. I was ust tlaking to him on the phone" [yea sweetheart, thats why I asked.] We talked about how much an A S S H O L E he is. She asked me if I wanted to go to Tim Horton's. and that was when she told me HEr and Erik we're supposed to date. I was shocked. But of course, being the dick Farrell is, he did the same thing to her as he did to me. Anyways, by the end of the walk home, she gave me her email, and I checked out her profile, and she had a blog thingy, which i read. and boy...she really liked Erik. and goes on how "Adorable" and nice and opinionated he is, and I just wanted to cry!. I ended up finding out SHE KISSED HIM!!!! .
S i called him and bitched to him about that. And yea, he told me "She kissed him" I'm like...you kissed her while we were dating, WHICH IS C H E A T I N G how sweet no? He's such a fucking dick, and all i wanna do is castrate him, and make sure he never uses his cock again. guh.

I can't believe I got used. Erik Farrell used me in a way NO ONE has ever used me, and I was too stupid to figure out awhile ago, and before I actually got hurt. But when i really narrowed it down to everything, I'd really rather be alone than unhappy, and I'd rather be nobody to someone I don't have feelings for, than be no one to someone who means the world to me. So fuck it. Fuck you Erik. You're nothing more than a useless faggot. I hope yer dick gets herpes and it hurts to piss, and you wake up with Cancer. You jerk off.


yep. I'm done. And someone took my email. Needless to say, i'm pissed. GIVE IT BACK!!! >.

Current mood: frustrated

Current music: Candance to Arms- dropkick murphy's

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Sunday, July 24, 2005

5:02PM - FUCK

MMMKAY..... my days since i havent typed in a million and one years :]


So. I work.And they people i wokr with...guhay. and why? because theyre like...40-50 years of age..and theyre CALLING ME A TWO FACED,BACKSTABBING BITCH..and im how old? eeyea.exactly. WTf am i really gonna say about them? im really tired of working there, but i dont feeel like finding a new job. cause im lazy. and it only startd once heather returned... pfffft.I"m cooler than all of them anyhow...well...ALMOST as cool as Tammy.

anywhow...switching my lame topcs to topic number two..BREAKING UP WITH ERIK. -raises thumb-
yep. so Now ive finally realized..yea..im not good enough for him.and im wasting his time. and he was just...leading me on and using me for whatever? so fine. Next time..I'm listening to my friends. when they tell me im better off without him..or I deserve better. and its not like i can sya he'd do it to another girl what he does to me..its ME...he's completely against me and i cant figure out why. I asked elisia why men dont date me..and needless to say..maybe shes right?
I'm guessing its my awful personality. or the way i act. I think im gonna go thru that whole "figuring out who you are" stage in the development of life. yep. sounds gay. but i dont care.
I guess just being myself isnt enough. Everyone i meet with friends ALWAYS end up liking my friends. not me. so alright? maybe be more like my friends?





AHHHHHHHHH WTF IS WRONG WITH ME...... uuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhhhh -kill self-

Current mood: infuriated

Current music: food network commercial.

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Saturday, April 23, 2005

12:35AM

For a second...Let's go back to "playing pretend"

Let's pretend that life is how we want it.
Pretend that nothing's incorrect, and things never go wrong.
Pretend that we never get angry,upset,over-emotional "create drama"
Pretend that we never get into fights with our friends, our parents, our teachers, classmates.
Pretend that boyfriends are there to hold you when you cry, smile at the way you fiddle with your
hair, blush while holding your hand.
Pretend that you have no conflicts with yourself. That you realize that you are beautiful, and no one
would ever contradict you on it.
Pretend that death is only the beginning of the new life you will create.
Pretend that pretending isn't for only little kid's who imagination spread far and vast.



Pretend that life isn't really happening. And that you're just someone
elses dream.

Current mood: apathetic

Current music: Jewel- You were meant for me

(comment on this)

Sunday, April 3, 2005

4:22PM

I think everything thats ever happened to me...I think I've deserved it. I think ive done
ABSOLUTELY nothing to avoid it happening to me. I find that I just put myself into
situations where I know for a fucking fact that I'm going to get hurt.

Current mood: uncomfortable

Current music: silence...

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Thursday, March 17, 2005

12:32PM

god........




I fucking hate my own mom. Maybe i do need to see a goddamn shrink.I dont get anywhere
with my own effen feelings. I tried talking to mom about feelings....got nowhere but
bitched and even more frustrated. Tried a journal. that went NOWHERE. Every goddamn
time i get one...EVERYONE reads it.Like fuck. Dont ask me my goddamn feelings if
yer just gonna hold them against me.thats bullshit.

Current mood: depressed

Current music: open your eyes-goldfinger

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Friday, March 4, 2005

6:17PM

Thought of le day



It's funny how much life can fuck you over. When yer young...you have it all figured out.
Everyone plans everything for you. yer free to make decisions...as long as they meet the
requirements of those older. THen you get older. And boy oh boy..fun times there.
Highschool's supposed to be the "best four years of yer life"...and that..is bullshit.
As grade nines...yer harrassed just for being IN grade nine. Yer labelled as the young
kid who's basically oblivious to the world.Getting in higher grades doesnt actually improve either.And yet...most are. WE're exposed to drugs, yet in a positive way. Drinking/sex...more in a positive way. Negative consiquences [yea, wrong spellin i know] are'nt thought about. So you throw up...big deal. Do it again. Not a good joint...whatever. get more money.buy another one. Sex. Use a condom. Big deal. Who actually gives two shits about the possible mental affect it has on you? You'll get over it, right?
Fighting someone because they've pissed you off. Scars and bruises heal. Big deal. Get over
that too. But honestly... Say you called someone fat. So they beat the shit outta you. Yea,
its all over now right?!..WRONG. It doesn't actually change the fact that they still think
yer fat. They just don't say it anymore.



My other problem is men. Who the hell gave them the title to be "powerful" and "dominant"
The first man to ever say that must've been unbelievably stupid. Men may have created
many things that have improved human technology. However, how many of these things actually
fuck up all the time? The only other problem with today's society is its ever growing
technology. I went to blockbuster recently, and only to get pissd off at the stupid looking
MAN working. The whole store is packed with DVD's. I don't own a goddamn DVD player. Nor do
I want one. Blockbuster is a more corporate[sp] company. It's locations stretch over all Canada
and most of the states. Video 99 is a less corporate[sp] company, and has more things in it.
We're fucking brainwashed by society and their goddamn shit. Our imaginations have been shot
down and destroyed until we reprogram ourselves to DO what we're told, WEAR what other create
and act like others. Originality is a lost cause. I'm not some type of "rebel child" rebelling
against the system. I wear what others make, I do what im told.and im pretty far from original.
I'm a hypocrite. And i just don't care. But I've always wondered...by admitting yer a hypocrite..
does it still make you one?


Well...I'm bored. And...moms crying.and yelling at me. Cause...uhm..
I'm an asshole?..or so im repeatedly told :]

Current mood: bitchy

Current music: Wasted- Goldfinger

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Monday, February 7, 2005

Sunday, January 30, 2005

8:28PM

I finally realized...that I do truly hate my mother. But not only as a mother...but as a perosn.
She's a bitch. Yea, maybe have a fucking attitude all the time with her...but she fucking
treats me like I don't even know how to feel.


"i wish i never had you"
"i hope you fail"
"your just like your fucking brother"
"why are YOU crying...-rolls eyes-"

Current mood: sad

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Thursday, January 27, 2005

10:32PM

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


chris effen Arneill goes to fucking Myer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...now i HAVE to like him <333333333
kldsnhjkrenhjenhenfdhjnrej reyjbnrehjbrbnrehgbrhegbrehbrjbdsgm;tkrewy4386uy438herjbjwrnhjrehn wooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....man.MYer kids are so fucking hot... Westlane kids are dirty. ahaha. im kidding. They're not. Some are...but only the gay ones...like. ami. ahaha..no i kid. She's just mean. man..
i never should have asked Chris about school. now i feel awkward...and why the fuck does he answer me quicker than erik :s

Current mood: anxious

Current music: none

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Thursday, January 6, 2005

4:58PM

ugh...so today just effen sucked. Mum had to work at fucking one...till -5.so i had to take a bus. i get out at goddamn 230, and didnt get home till three. thiry. my shoes were so effen wet, and it was really cold outside ;[ And next to that.Ricky called me fucking prep. Am i prep? Maybe going into colur was a terrible idea. I'm wearing only black from now on. fucking show you prep.UUUGHGHGHEUTJNDWGHREWUJTE SJGKBKEWYBWRHJBFNEWRY HREHGJEFHNEJRYHNRE I'm wondering if i switch to myer ill get labelled prep?...im already a small nothng at westlane..how worse could it be?

Current mood: irritated

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Monday, January 3, 2005

8:11PM

okay..uhm...




I hate pepsi.

Current mood: calm

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Friday, December 31, 2004

10:38PM

...

my best friend is going to be pissed at me for ditching her, I got ditched
by my own cousin, the boyfriend is giving me mixed feeling.I don't
know whether to be happy or not.
After erik...i dont ever want another boyfriend.I fuck up everything.

Current mood: gloomy

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1:34AM

Well,...
I told erik the truth..and guess effen what...he doesnt hate..but
he doesnt like me...I have the conversation saved to. I guess you
can ask me for it...
I honestly..do not know where this is heading.I'm a liar,but he likes me.
he's embarrassed..but still goes out with me? He's worried cause im good at
lying...ouch..

and i definitely deserve EVERYTHING im getting...woo...

-cries-

Current mood: guilty

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Thursday, December 30, 2004

5:30PM

Thinking...


I'm pretty fed up with pretty much everything now. I'm sick of my
mom and all her constant shit about me. Yea, she's right, I DO have
an attitude...but only because she gave me one. I cannot go out with
out coming home and getting a constant bitch out by her. Wow...I was
at the fucking store when I said I'd be at Ely's house..big fucking
deal. And once again she's right..i don't tell her anything. Why?
Because no matter what i do tell her, She doesn't even listen. She
thinks I just imagine everything in my head. She's right...



everyone fucking loves me.

Current mood: cynical

Current music: Billy Talent Video- Nothing to lose..

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Tuesday, December 28, 2004

2:08PM

Well,

Today Elisia and I are supposed to hang with Danilo...
yay. How excited...-rolls eyes-
Okay, so I had to get up at effen one oclock because i heard
that ely called, and it was VERY IMPORTANT..LIFE THREATING..
ON HER DEATH BED, BEING MURDERED kinda important...So i get
up, go online. and course ....she WANTS NOTHING EVEN CLOSE
TO IMPORTANT. Meh.

Hopefully we're drinking wtih danilo....=S

Current mood: sore

Current music: Grandmother's radio

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